"Dear Employer: Please Hire Me! I Need a New Job. I am Desperate! Thanks."

The following is an open letter from a job seeker to prospective employers that Random Eagle received from one of its readers asking us to publish it anonymously. The writer expresses their frustrations and, as their cover email to Random Eagle stated, a "rollercoaster of emotions" over the past six months looking for work. In order to protect the identity of the writer so as not to lodge another hurdle for this applicant to overcome, Random Eagle made slight edits to some of the content below.

"Dear Random Eagle,

I have been searching HOPELESSLY for a job for the past 6 months. I am on a ROLLERCOASTER of EMOTIONS! If any employers could hear my voice, please publish what I would tell them (I copied how I would send them an email below) which I would hope they all would read. And don't let them know my name! Keep up the good work (you are funny!)

From,

A Loyal Reader

To: All Employers Who Are Hiring

From: A Worn-Out, Lost, and Hopeless Minion Looking for Work

Cc: Anyone Else Who is Hiring!

Bcc: My Therapist

Subject: "Dear Employer: Please Hire Me! I Need a New job. I am Desperate! Thanks.

Dear Potential Employers of the World:

I write to request that you hire me for a job. Although I currently have a job, it is going nowhere and I need a new one. The job search has been exhausting. Perhaps you will be the one to take a chance on me.

I have been searching for a new job for over 6 months. No, Taylor Swift, the problem is not me. I am fully qualified, I have an advanced degree, I have years of experience, I have no gaps in employment, and I am normal. The problem is you!

Okay, sorry about that. I had to vent! You see, searching for a job has become a full time job in and of itself. Let me walk you through a typical day wading through the Job Board Jungles.

The Job Board Jungle: Indeed, LinkedIn, ZipRecruiter, Glassdoor, Fishbowl, and Other Culprits

I will start my day looking for jobs on the common job board websites like Indeed, LinkedIn, ZipRecruiter, Glassdoor, Fishbowl, and some others like Google Jobs. Many of the same jobs are posted on multiple job board sites. Some are exclusive to one of these sites, making it necessary to search all of them every day, multiple times per day.

The One-Click Wonder

The job sites with an "Easy Apply" or similar button are most preferable because, to be honest, you basically just need to see my resume first to determine whether you want to even consider me.

I don't feel bad simply scrolling and one-clicking the "easy apply" button because chances are you, you will not even spend more than a few seconds reviewing my resume in the first place, right? You get hundreds of applications for each job post -which you display right next to the job listing - and probably don't even read my resume over 90% of the time. So, modern job searching has become a two-way street of intense volume in either direction: I will submit as many resumes as I can per day and you will try to quickly discard as many spam resumes as you can for each position. Unless the "easy apply" button process changes, these gross inefficiencies will continue for both us.

Screener questions placed before "easy apply" buttons don't really help much either. You will still receive hundreds of applications anyway. And why are you asking if I speak English, or if I have basic job experience, or, curiously, whether I am a foreign worker? What are your real reasons for posting these jobs?

Redirected to Company Websites

Many jobs don't offer an "easy apply" button. They usually require that you submit your application directly on their website. This can take several forms:

• Filling out some basic biographical information, allowing you to upload your resume, and quickly hitting "submit". Why didn't you just offer an "easy apply" button for this on the job board in the first place?

• A resume "autofiller" option that then asks you to basically duplicate everything that is already on your resume in pre-selected boxes (Education, Work History, etc.) And the autofiller never truly works. You are spending time deleting "Work History" from the "Name of Employer" Box or cutting and pasting your address from the "Education" Box. This is a colossal waste of time. Just look at my resume. I even fit it all on 1 page like those "experts" told me to do!

• A company website asking not only for a copy of your resume, an auto-filled section which is a carbon copy of your resume, but also several pages with blank white boxes asking for detailed answers to a whole host of irrelevant or cumbersome questions:

What makes you qualified for this position? See my resume. I wouldn't have applied if I weren't qualified.

What makes you unique? I can quickly identify when someone is wasting my time by asking pointless questions.

Describe a situation where you had to work with difficult coworkers? How did you get along to get your work done? I ignored them, thought to myself that they clearly had received deficient parenting, and focused on how I needed to feed my family.

Recruiters: Beware!

Along the beaten path to Jobland you will surely encounter several recruiters lurking in the shadows. They will promise you riches, prestige, to get you to where you are "entitled" to be, but....beware!! They have their own motives!

Yes, recruiters, to me, seem like another waste of time. I know there are probably some good ones out there, and yes, they probably can add value, but let me tell you why I don't think they are all that helpful.

First, recruiters are popping up all over these job boards and job applications. Not only do you have to compete with 700 other applicants and get picked for a cursory resume review, you then need to pass the second hurdle of even having the recruiter send your resume along. The recruiter is not hiring for the job. The recruiter doesn't know the industry as well as you do. The recruiter doesn't do the type of work you do. The recruiter might have no clue about what you actually do and may not even work in your field. Alas, the recruiter is still king. The Gatekeeper!

Have you ever seen this: "Your Jobot Application Has Been Waitlisted"...

This is not a college admissions process. I want to know whether the employer wants to speak to me. Has anyone ever actually gotten off the "waitlist"?

Recruiter Calls: A First Date Only

Often a recruiter will want to set up a quick 15 minute call to discuss your background and resume and your "career objectives." (I want to make more money!) So you schedule a call on their calendar, prepare for it, and then realize you have just wasted a chunk of your day within the first 30 seconds of the call.

The recruiter often is mass-calling candidates themselves, has no specific knowledge about the company you are applying to ("Oh, let me check their website while I am on the phone with you to find you an answer"), and is simply feeling you out to see if you are a good fit. You are a good fit; that's why they set up the call. But if you don't have one specific point of experience; if you're "too qualified" or "too senior" for the roll - bam! Next! Despite promises that they will follow up with the employer to see if they want to speak to you, or that they will follow up with you for future opportunities, you will never hear from that recruiter again. This happens over and over again. Ghosted by the recruiter.

The Job Search Process Leaves Me Emotionally Drained and Feeling Quite Bad about Myself

Does routinely spending hours a day, weeks and months at a time at a task that produces no results sound like fun to you!

Do you constantly face rejection on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis from total strangers, online, via text, voicemail, email, job boards, in-person meetings, Zoom meetups, and from all angles you can imagine?

Do you continuously search for something every day that you know doesn't exist but do so because you have no other options and desperately need a new job to put food on the table?

Is your self worth eroded because you live in a constant state of rejection?

Welcome to the American job search!! Take a seat. There are 589 people ahead of you. For that one job. I don't want to tell you how many are in line at the next one.

This is grim reality that the job seeker like me is facing. We need a better system. We want to provide. Our families count on us. But no one else seems to value, let alone, notice, our worth.

The Economy is Going Downhill - Fast

I don't care what economists and politicians state. The economy is NOT doing well. It should not take this long to get a job. And I have applied to several hundred part-time jobs for which I am objectively much overqualified for - yet, I get no callbacks!

Are we just living in a world of spam/fake news/fake jobs/fake recruiters/empty promises/low salaries topped with economic despair.

In closing, I am confident that my positive attitude would be a supreme attribute to your organization. My resume is attached. Please call me back. Please!!

Sincerely,

Desperate Job Seeker